The exercise mantra to beat all mantras

I am absolutely delighted to announce that I have found THE exercise mantra! I have broken the I-just-don’t-have-the-time-or-the-place excuse into a zillion pieces.

Here’s a little background
I used to be svelte and slender, now I am svelte and pear-shaped. Sceptics may protest that svelte and pears are mutually exclusive.

I beg to differ and I offer two arguments in my favor: